How to Tell If Someone Is Gay?
Signs That Might Raise Questions About Your Partner’s Sexual Orientation
1. Are most of his social media friends guys he doesn’t know in person?
In an online social context, a preference for interacting with a large number of people of the same sex who he doesn’t know personally might suggest a search for validation, connection, or a social circle where he feels more comfortable exploring his identity. While not definitive proof, the proportion and type of online interactions can be a clue, especially when paired with other signs.
2. Is he not really into making out?
Making out is an intimate and erotic way of expressing affection and desire in heterosexual relationships. Aversion to or lack of enthusiasm for it might suggest a lack of genuine physical or sexual attraction to his partner, or in some cases, it could indicate that physical intimacy with women doesn’t excite him the same way it would a straight man.
3. Does he always notice how other guys are dressed?
Paying a lot of attention to other people’s appearances, especially men’s fashion, can be a common trait among some gay men who often have a sharper eye for aesthetics and style. This doesn’t mean every guy who cares about fashion is gay, but it can be a clue when combined with other behaviors. It’s a pattern, not a hard rule.
4. Does he prefer sweet alcoholic drinks?
While it’s a stereotype and not a rule, there’s a cultural perception that sweeter drinks are sometimes preferred by gay men. Personal taste in drinks varies widely and doesn’t define anyone’s sexual orientation. Still, in the context of multiple signs, some might see this preference as an additional detail, though it should be taken with a grain of salt and never as a standalone factor.
5. Does he use affectionate terms with his guy friends, like “I love you,” “You’re so hot,” or “I want to hug you”?
In some social circles and cultures, gay men may be more open and expressive about showing verbal and physical affection toward other men. Frequently using intense affectionate terms with male friends might indicate a deeper emotional connection or even an unconscious attraction. It’s important to distinguish this from typical straight male friendships, which are usually less effusive with such direct expressions of affection.
6. Does he often compliment other guys?
Regularly and intensely complimenting other men’s looks, physique, or style could suggest that your partner has an eye for male attraction. Straight guys might compliment other men, but it’s usually more reserved or focused on things like intelligence or achievements rather than physical appearance.
7. Does he check out guys as much as straight guys check out women?
This is one of the more direct questions. If your partner shows the same level of visual interest and attention toward men that a straight guy typically shows toward women (like checking them out or staring curiously), this could be a strong sign of attraction to men.
8. Does he show no sexual interest in random women?
A lack of “radar” or visual/sexual interest in women he doesn’t know can be a strong hint that his attraction isn’t generally directed toward women. Straight men often have an instinctive, sometimes subconscious interest in attractive women around them, even if they don’t act on it. A complete lack of this kind of interest can be a red flag.
9. Can he watch gay porn?
Being able to get aroused by or engage with gay porn is one of the stronger indicators. For a straight man, gay porn typically doesn’t spark interest or arousal and might even make him uncomfortable. If your partner can not only watch it but shows curiosity, interest, or arousal, that’s a pretty clear sign of attraction to men.
10. Does he have an account on gay dating apps or sites?
This is one of the most direct and compelling pieces of evidence. An active profile on platforms or apps specifically for gay dating (like Grindr, Scruff, Hornet, etc.) is a major sign that your partner is seeking or has sought out interactions and relationships with men. Unless the account is old, inactive, or he has a very convincing explanation, this is almost undeniable.
11. Does he have a ton of pictures of guys on his phone or computer?
Just like many straight women might save photos of actors, models, or men they find attractive, gay men might do the same with pictures of other men. If his gallery is full of photos of guys (especially in poses that suggest physical or sexual attraction or look like they’re from dating profiles) and has few or no similar photos of women, this could be a strong indicator of his sexual orientation.
12. Does he accuse you of being too into sex?
This might be a projection tactic. If he doesn’t have much sexual desire for you or women in general, he might deflect by accusing you of “wanting sex too much.” This can be a way to justify his own lack of libido or interest, shifting the blame onto your supposed high sex drive.
13. Is he into the idea of a threesome with two guys and a woman?
For some gay men who haven’t come out or are exploring their sexuality, the idea of a threesome with two men and a woman might be a fantasy that lets them be intimate with another man under the guise of a “different” sexual experience with their partner. While some straight women might also have this fantasy, a specific preference for this setup (with another guy actively involved) could be a sign.
14. Does he never take the lead in bed?
Consistently not initiating sex might point to a lack of desire or physical attraction to his partner. If he seems passive, uninterested, or only goes along with sex when you initiate, it could suggest that sex with you doesn’t naturally excite or motivate him. This lack of sexual drive might mean his libido is directed elsewhere.
15. Does he love watching “women’s” TV shows (like soap operas, reality shows, or dramatic series)?
Though it’s a stereotype, gay men are sometimes more drawn to certain TV genres culturally associated with women, like soap operas, relationship-focused reality shows, or emotionally intense dramas. These might appeal to them more than shows straight guys typically prefer, like sports, action, or comedies. Still, TV tastes are personal and don’t define sexual orientation, so this should be considered carefully.
16. Does he own a ton of beauty products?
Being overly focused on appearance and owning a wide range of beauty products (beyond the basics) can be more common among some gay men. This often comes from a heightened value placed on aesthetics and self-care in certain gay circles. That said, plenty of straight guys also use beauty products, so this should be taken with caution.
17. Does he take forever to get ready in the bathroom or bedroom?
Like the focus on beauty products, spending a lot of time on personal grooming and getting ready (in the bathroom or bedroom) might show a meticulous attention to image and aesthetics. This kind of vanity can be more pronounced in some gay men who invest extra time and effort in their appearance. But again, vanity isn’t exclusive to gay men, so this is just one piece of the puzzle.