Signs She's Still Thinking About Her Ex:
It's normal to have doubts in a relationship, especially when a partner's past seems to influence the present. To help you understand if your girlfriend still harbors feelings for her ex, I've put together some key questions and the reasoning behind each one.
1. Does she still keep gifts from him, not expensive items, but small, simple things she could easily throw away?
Keeping gifts, especially those with little material value but significant sentimental meaning, can indicate she still values the memories and emotional connection she shared with her ex. Simple objects like notes, old photos, or small souvenirs aren't kept for their intrinsic worth, but for the feeling they represent. Discarding these items would be a way to "clear out" the past and make space for the present. Her difficulty letting go of them might mean she's reluctant to cut emotional ties with that past experience.
2. Does she talk about her ex a lot (whether positively or negatively)?
Constantly talking about her ex, whether to praise or criticize him, is a sign that he still occupies a significant space in her thoughts. If someone has truly moved on from a relationship, the topic of their ex usually doesn't come up with such frequency or intensity.
- Talking positively: This could indicate she still views him with fondness, admiration, or even idealization, which might hinder the development of full feelings for you.
- Talking negatively: While it seems like the opposite, the intensity of the criticism or anger can mask hurt, resentment, or even difficulty accepting the end of the relationship. An obsession with criticizing him shows he's still an important reference point in her life.
3. Does she avoid talking about her ex at all costs?
Avoiding the topic of her ex at all costs can be a sign that there are unresolved issues or hidden feelings. She might be afraid to:
- Reveal unresolved feelings: Avoiding the conversation is a way to hide that her ex still affects her.
- Cause jealousy or insecurity in you: She might be aware that mentioning her ex could be uncomfortable for you, so she prefers to ignore the topic completely. However, this avoidance might be a sign that she herself isn't comfortable with what she feels or feels she can't be completely transparent.
- Relive painful moments: If the breakup was traumatic, avoiding the topic could be a form of self-protection, but it still indicates that the past haunts her.
4. Does she encourage you to do the same things she used to do with her ex (visit the same places, eat the same foods, watch the same movies, listen to the same music)?
This is one of the most revealing questions. Encouraging you to repeat activities and experiences she shared with her ex can indicate a conscious or unconscious attempt to recreate the past. She might be looking to:
- Fill a void: Trying to replicate feelings and emotions she felt with her ex, using you to do so.
- Relive nostalgia: The memories of those moments are so strong that she seeks ways to feel them again, even if it's with someone else.
- Compare: This could be a way for her to compare experiences with you and her ex, evaluating who provided more satisfaction.
5. Does she still talk to him, whether by phone calls, text messages, or in person?
Maintaining regular contact with an ex, whether by phone, messages, or in person, can be a sign that the emotional connection still exists. It's important to differentiate occasional, friendly contact (if both sides have truly moved on) from frequent and intimate communication. If the conversations are secretive, very frequent, or involve deep personal matters she doesn't share with you, it could be a big red flag that there are lingering feelings or an emotional dependency.
6. Does she compare you to her ex (whether positively or negatively)?
Making constant comparisons, regardless of whether they're positive or negative, shows that her ex is still a benchmark in her mind for evaluating you and your current relationship.
- Positive comparisons (e.g., "You're better than him at this"): While it seems like a compliment, it still means her ex is the reference point for your value. She still has him in mind to praise you.
- Negative comparisons (e.g., "He would have done this differently"): These are even more problematic, as they can indicate dissatisfaction with you and an idealization of her ex.
The absence of comparisons is a sign that she sees you as a unique individual, without the need to fit you into molds from the past.
7. Does she mention that she misses things her ex used to do for her?
Mentioning missing specific actions, gestures, or habits of her ex is a clear sign that she still values and misses his presence and what he represented in her life. It's not just about missing a "treat" or an action, but rather the person who performed it and the emotional context in which it happened. This could indicate that the current relationship isn't meeting those needs or that she still has an emotional attachment to what her ex provided.
8. Do they still hang out, no matter the reason for the meeting?
Continued meetings, even under seemingly innocent pretexts (like "sorting something out," "mutual friends," or "just coffee"), can be a strong indication that there's a connection she doesn't want to cut. If the relationship truly ended, people tend to go their separate ways and minimize contact. Regular meetings, regardless of the stated reason, can fuel a lingering flame, maintain hope, or simply satisfy a need for closeness she still feels towards him. The priority in a new relationship should be the current partner, not maintaining meetings with an ex.
9. Does she still keep in touch with members of her ex's family?
Maintaining regular contact with an ex's family, especially if the relationship ended some time ago, can be a sign that she still feels part of that circle or has a hard time completely detaching herself from the past. This is different from a casual encounter with his mother on the street. We're talking about maintaining conversations, visits, or actively following their lives. This could indicate that she still has deep affection for that family, which, by extension, might reflect unresolved feelings for her ex, as his family is an extension of him.
10. Does she try to show you off to her ex (posting your picture on social media with the goal of him seeing it, or taking you to places where her ex might be)?
This behavior is a sign that her ex still holds significant relevance in her mind, even if negatively. The intention to "show you off" isn't about what she feels for you, but about what she wants him to see and feel. It could be an attempt to:
- Provoke or make him jealous: She wants him to see that she "moved on" or is with someone "better," seeking a reaction from him.
- Seek validation: She wants him to realize what he lost or that she's doing fine without him.
- Affirmation: She seeks to show herself and him that she is desirable and has overcome the relationship.
In any case, the focus isn't on celebrating the relationship with you for its own sake, but rather on using it as a tool or message for her ex.
11. Does she still have photos of her ex saved, whether in physical or digital format?
Keeping photos of an ex, whether in physical albums, on her phone, or in digital folders, can indicate that she still values the memories and feelings associated with that period. While some people might keep a few photos for historical record, having a significant quantity or keeping them in easily accessible locations might suggest she revisits these memories frequently. It's as if she's not ready to delete or get rid of an important part of her emotional past.
12. Does she still have photos of him or them on social media?
The presence of photos of her ex or photos of the two of them (her and the ex) on social media, especially if they're not ancient photos from years ago but from a more recent past, is a strong indication that she hasn't completely detached or that she doesn't want to completely erase the public record of that relationship. Social media is many people's current life storefront. Keeping these photos visible can mean:
- Lack of closure: She doesn't feel comfortable "erasing" her ex from her online history.
- Openness to the past: It leaves a door open for her ex or others to see that he's still part of her timeline.
- Difficulty moving on: The act of deleting these photos is an important symbolic step to close a chapter, and reluctance to do so might indicate difficulty moving forward.
13. Does she avoid sexual intimacy with you?
Sexual intimacy is a fundamental pillar in many relationships. A persistent avoidance of sexual intimacy can have various causes, but one of them could be a lack of emotional connection or full attraction to the current partner, possibly due to residual feelings for an ex. If she's thinking about someone else, or doesn't feel completely committed to the current relationship, this could be reflected in a lack of desire or reluctance to engage intimately. It's important to consider other causes for a lack of intimacy, such as stress or health issues, but if combined with other signs, it could be an indication that her heart isn't fully with you.